i feel homeless, i lack purpose, i crave motivation that will last for longer than a good mood.  i'm desperate, weary and doubtful of everything. i hate being alone, yet i need my piece of mind. i need my moments of isolation even though they are the hardest times, when i feel as though there is no one in the world that will ever ease this nameless pain.  why am i so dependant? i am dependant on something that i cant see, has no shape, no form, no name, it haunts me and i dont know what it is. but i feel like i am lacking it. i need it and my life is a big hole until i can fill it with whatever it is that i am searchingn for. 

the summer seemed to bring together all that was messy, but undo all that was right.

damn shambles and nothing gets done, rays of light reflect off of hands caring about nothing but picking and clicking and feeling or fearing.

did you know about the fire? and how the sky looked in the morning,  and how there are noises that i just cant explain but drive me crazy coming from boys i cant understand because they are dumb and speak with the dumbest accents i have ever heard, but that is the school i go to, rather, the school i live at.

no honestly, its so wierd. i sold my soul, and i think you knew that, but its pretty scary that i just couldnt care because what used to be important seems quite dull now and everything is like the sky, so filled with smoke, soon it will rain ashes, and the only thing you can do is live with it, but the houses will ssoon be evacuated, and my train of thought is bouncing off the walls like the images of red smeared on tiled, but dead and pale and pasty is what happens when at night you see yourself in images....

Jane Austen is taking up most of my time these days and i'm not sure what the effect is on me...Sense and Sensibility is actually pretty depressing and usually i read books that make you feel like there is some kind of expectation in life, and we just cant reach it, but this is just depressing cause ......

 ummm, i see his soul once in a while and catch a glimse of eyes that never spoke so much truth to me, but glared at the same time of knowlegde that was bought at a franchise book store and it makes me sad i wonder why someone would believe things that he does...i'm telling you its out of control

and i've got the giggle in the middle of a depression, but some kids do that to me, not kids, but cats, or rather cool cats, and i'm rambling again.